Salam dalam nama Bapa, Putra, dan Roh Kudus.
Pernahkah kamu membayangkan hidup tanpa tawa?
Aku dulu tidak pernah terpikir bahwa kehilangan kemampuan untuk tertawa bisa menjadi bentuk penderitaan yang begitu sunyi. Namun, itulah yang kualami. Selama hampir satu tahun, aku tidak bisa tertawa.
Hal pertama yang membuatku sadar adalah ketika aku menonton video lucu — hal yang biasanya mudah memancing tawa. Kali itu, aku hanya menatap layar datar. Tidak ada reaksi. Tidak ada geli. Tidak ada tawa. Hanya hening yang terasa berat.
Awalnya aku menganggap itu hal sepele. Tapi lama-kelamaan aku sadar, ada sesuatu yang hilang dari hidupku. Aku mulai merindukan suara tawaku sendiri — yang dulu lepas, hangat, dan penuh hidup. Rasanya aneh sekali menyadari bahwa ketawa, sesuatu yang tampak sederhana, ternyata adalah karunia yang patut disyukuri.
Rasa tawaku hilang setelah aku dighosting oleh seseorang yang sangat berarti bagiku — Tuan. Sejak itu, seolah seluruh cahaya dari dalam diriku meredup. Aku masih mencoba berpura-pura baik-baik saja di depan orang lain, tapi di dalam, aku merasa kosong. Tak ada seorang pun yang benar-benar menyadari bahwa aku bahkan sudah lupa rasanya tertawa.
Di masa itu, aku sering berdoa. Hampir setiap hari aku memohon kepada Roh Kudus,
“Tolong aku… mampukan aku untuk tertawa lagi.”
Awalnya doaku hanya berpantul di dinding kamar — sepi. Tapi perlahan, Ia menjawab. Bukan lewat mujizat besar, melainkan lewat hal-hal kecil: video lucu yang tiba-tiba terasa sedikit menggelitik, percakapan ringan yang membuatku tersenyum tipis, momen kecil yang membuat dadaku sedikit hangat.
Tawa itu memang tidak datang seketika. Tapi sedikit demi sedikit, aku mulai bisa tertawa lagi. Tidak sekeras dulu, tapi cukup untuk membuatku tahu bahwa Tuhan masih bekerja dalam hidupku. Bahwa Roh Kudus benar-benar hadir — bahkan di dalam proses sekecil mengembalikan tawa yang hilang.
Pernah aku kecewa kepada Tuhan. Aku sempat marah karena merasa ditinggalkan. Tapi kini aku tahu, bahkan dalam diam-Nya, Ia sedang memulihkan sesuatu yang rusak dalam diriku.
Kalau aku bisa berbicara kepada diriku yang dulu — yang kehilangan tawa — aku akan berkata:
“Bertahan, ya. Sabar, sebentar lagi kau pasti akan ketawa. Mintalah bantuan Roh Kudus. Ia tidak akan menolak permintaan sekecil itu.”
Dan benar, Ia tidak pernah menolak.
✨ Refleksi untukmu yang membaca ini:
Mungkin kamu juga sedang berada di masa di mana sukacita terasa jauh, di mana tawa tak lagi mudah muncul.
Jika iya, izinkan Roh Kudus menyentuh hatimu perlahan.
Mintalah Ia memulihkan apa pun yang hilang — bahkan hal sekecil tawa — sebab bagi Tuhan, tidak ada yang terlalu sepele untuk dipulihkan.
Karena di hadirat-Nya ada sukacita berlimpah-limpah.
(Mazmur 16:11)
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Have you ever imagined living without laughter?
I never thought that losing the ability to laugh could become such a quiet kind of suffering.
But that’s what happened to me. For almost a year, I couldn’t laugh.
The first thing that made me realize it was when I watched a funny video — something that would usually make me laugh easily. But that time, I just stared at the screen blankly. No reaction. No amusement. No laughter. Only a heavy silence.
At first, I thought it was nothing. But over time, I realized something had gone missing from my life.
I started to miss the sound of my own laughter — the one that used to be free, warm, and full of life.
It felt strange to realize that laughter, something so simple, is actually a gift to be thankful for.
My laughter disappeared after I was ghosted by someone who once meant a lot to me — Tuan.
Since then, it felt as if all the light inside me dimmed.
I tried to act fine around others, but deep down, I felt empty.
No one really noticed that I had forgotten what it felt like to laugh.
During that time, I often prayed. Almost every day I asked the Holy Spirit,
“Please… help me laugh again.”
At first, my prayers only echoed against the walls of my room — silent.
But slowly, He answered.
Not through grand miracles, but through small things: a funny video that suddenly felt a little amusing, a light conversation that made me smile faintly, tiny moments that warmed my heart.
The laughter didn’t return all at once. But little by little, I began to laugh again.
Not as loudly as before, but enough to let me know that God was still working in my life.
That the Holy Spirit was truly present — even in something as small as restoring a lost laugh.
There was a time when I felt disappointed in God.
I was angry, thinking He had left me.
But now I know — even in His silence, He was healing something broken within me.
If I could speak to my past self — the one who had forgotten how to laugh — I would say:
“Hold on. Be patient. You’ll laugh again soon. Ask the Holy Spirit for help. He never rejects even the smallest prayer.”
And truly, He never does.
✨ A reflection for you who are reading this:
Maybe you’re also in a season where joy feels distant, where laughter doesn’t come easily.
If so, let the Holy Spirit touch your heart gently.
Ask Him to restore whatever has been lost — even something as small as laughter — for to God, nothing is too small to be healed.
For in His presence there is fullness of joy.
(Psalm 16:11)
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