Salam dalam nama Bapa, Putra, dan Roh Kudus.
Pernahkah kamu merasa kecewa begitu dalam kepada Tuhan —
sampai rasanya imanmu yang dulu teguh kini seperti retak tanpa suara?
Jika iya, mungkin kisah ini bisa menemanimu sejenak.
Awalnya, aku sudah menyerah terhadap urusan cinta dan pernikahan. Terlalu sering patah hati membuatku lelah berharap.
Namun, suatu hari aku mendengar khotbah dari pendeta yang berkata:
“Kalau suatu saat kamu bertemu seseorang dan ada dugdugdugnya, itulah jodohmu.”
Aku sempat tertawa kecil dalam hati. Masa iya jodoh bisa sesederhana itu?
Tapi tetap, aku merespons. Entah bagaimana, kata-kata itu melekat di benak dan diingat oleh hatiku.
Beberapa waktu kemudian, aku bertemu Tuan.
Dan benar saja — ada dugdugdugnya.
Aku teringat khotbah itu dan mulai menafsirkan sukacita yang kurasakan sebagai tanda dari Tuhan.
Rasanya indah, hangat, dan penuh harapan.
Tapi keindahan itu cepat memudar.
Hubungan kami dipenuhi ujian —
hatiku masih menoleh ke masa lalu, pada seseorang yang dulu hanya “FWB” tapi menyisakan bayangan.
Sementara di sisi lain, aku juga berbuat salah dalam relasi ini.
Aku memancing amarah Tuan, dan akhirnya, dia menghilang.
Di titik itu, dunia seakan menatapku sambil berkata,
“Katanya jodoh dari Tuhan. Tapi mana buktinya?”
Aku terdiam.
Semua keyakinan yang dulu kubangun atas nama “firman Tuhan” runtuh begitu saja.
Aku merasa Tuhan mempermainkanku. Aku merasa ditipu oleh-Nya.
Dan untuk waktu yang lama, aku tak tahu harus menaruh imanku di mana.
Namun perlahan aku sadar:
mungkin Tuhan tidak menipu.
Mungkin akulah yang terlalu cepat menafsir, terlalu cepat memberi makna pada sesuatu yang belum tentu dimaksudkan begitu.
Mungkin Ia sedang mengajariku membedakan antara perasaan yang indah dan panggilan yang benar.
Aku juga lupa akan kesalahanku kepada Tuan.
Sekarang, aku masih percaya kepada-Nya —
bukan karena aku mengerti segalanya, tapi karena aku memilih untuk percaya melampaui perasaanku,
melampaui pandanganku yang dulu memandang-Nya sebagai penipu.
Dan kalau kamu juga pernah kecewa pada Tuhan,
izinkan aku berkata dengan lembut:
Kadang, kegagalan bukan karena Tuhan menipu,
tapi karena kita sendiri yang lupa akan dosa sendiri.
✨ Refleksi kecil untukmu
Pernahkah kamu salah menafsir tanda dari Tuhan?
Bagaimana pengalaman itu membentuk caramu percaya sekarang?
Tuliskan kisahmu. Kadang, di balik luka yang kita ceritakan,
ada Tuhan yang sedang memulihkan cara kita mencintai — dan percaya.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Have you ever felt so deeply disappointed in God —
to the point where your once-steadfast faith now feels quietly fractured?
If so, perhaps this story might keep you company for a while.
At first, I had already given up on love and marriage.
Too many heartbreaks had left me tired of hoping.
Then one day, I heard a sermon from a pastor who said:
“When you meet someone and your heart goes dug-dug-dug, that’s your soulmate.”
I chuckled quietly to myself. Could it really be that simple?
Still, I responded somehow. Those words stuck with me — remembered not just by my mind, but by my heart.
Some time later, I met the Man.
And indeed — there was that dug-dug-dug.
I recalled the sermon and began to interpret the joy I felt as a sign from God.
It was beautiful, warm, and full of hope.
But that beauty faded quickly.
Our relationship was full of trials —
my heart kept turning back to someone from the past, someone who used to be just an “FWB,” yet left a lingering shadow.
And on my side, I also made mistakes.
I provoked his anger, and eventually, he disappeared.
At that moment, the world seemed to look at me and whisper,
“You said he was God’s choice for you. Where’s the proof?”
I fell silent.
All the certainty I had built in the name of “God’s word” crumbled.
I felt as though God was toying with me — deceiving me.
And for a long time, I didn’t know where to place my faith anymore.
But slowly, I began to realize:
perhaps God didn’t deceive me.
Perhaps I was the one who interpreted too quickly — giving meaning to something that was never meant that way.
Maybe He was teaching me to distinguish between what feels beautiful and what is truly a calling.
I also forgot to see my own fault in how I treated him.
Now, I still believe in God —
not because I understand everything,
but because I choose to believe beyond my feelings,
beyond my own view that once saw Him as a deceiver.
And if you, too, have ever felt disappointed in God,
allow me to gently say:
Sometimes, failure doesn’t happen because God deceived us,
but because we ourselves have forgotten our own sins.
✨ A Small Reflection for You
Have you ever misinterpreted a sign from God?
How has that experience shaped the way you believe now?
Write your story.
Sometimes, behind the wounds we share,
there is a God quietly healing the way we love — and believe.
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